Karkat, be the butler
by WilliTSpears
Summary: Trying to hide red feelings for a certain Egderp can become very difficult when the one in question is wearing a really cute cosplay... Rated M for potential mature topics in later chapters.
1. Karkat, Dress in a stupid outfit

**Disclaimer: read the disclaimer, cuz' I really don't ever make them so when I do there's probably a lot of shit I've warped in the making of this story. Stuff like I don't own Homestuck- the genius Andrew Hussie does, as do I not own Black Butler- a brilliant work of art belonging exclusively to Yana Toboso. There are a few references to the Kuro OVAs, but other than that I don't know of any spoilers. And if any other stories that don't belong to me are here- guess what, they don't belong to me. Now that the boring part's over, enjoy the story!**

"I look fucking stupid."

Karkat looked at himself in the mirror, surveying the costume he was unwillingly wearing. His main clothing was an early-1900s style butler outfit, and he was wearing an itchy black wig that pressed against his horns uncomfortably. It had bangs that came down a little longer than the rest of the wig, and that Egbert had insisted upon since his own was "not the right style."

On Karkat's hand was a cheap temporary tattoo of a purple pentacle, making that hand itch almost unbearably. He wore gloves over both hands, so why he had to have the tattoo anyways he didn't know.

He wore black dress shoes and wore a pocket watch- he wasn't used to reading the time on human clocks, so it was just for show. Why would humans keep the confusing clocks if they had digital ones, anyways? It was just stupid.

But even more stupid was the fact that he had to wear this costume, and go out in public, and walk around with a bunch of other stupid freaks wearing stupid costumes from different dumbass cartoons and acting like they were actually those characters. What had John called it, again? That's right, an Anime con.

Lately, the Egderp had gotten obsessed with the cartoon style, and especially with a certain one featuring a demon butler and a kid earl. How he had been roped into this stupid costume shit- he didn't even remember at this point.

"You're fine, my motherfuckin' best friend. I got roped into this motherfucking shit too, remember, dude- we're in this together motherfucker…"

Gamzee was blundering around in as much of a ridiculous outfit as Karkat's, if not even more weird. He had on a long black cloak with sleeves too long like a dementor in Harry Potter (a movie Karkat had fallen asleep in front of, not being satisfied with the lack of romantic clichés). He wore a really long grey wig with two braids in the front, and atop his head was a crumpled black top hat that looked like the hatter was trying to get rid of the extra material and decided to keep it just drooping off the side. His normal makeup was magnified so that his face was all white and very pale-looking, and he had painted a black scar, like stitching across one side of his face.

Karkat rolled his eyes at the highblood and got out his computer, sitting down on the floor of Gamzee's hive. His Trollian was flashing.

- TwinArmaggedons (TA) has started trolling CarcinoGeneticist (CG):

(TA): Hii KK. Thii2 ii2 goiing two be 1 fun niight- ii love my co2tume 2o much!

(CG): WELL THAT MAKES ONE OF US.

(CG): WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE HERE? THIS THING I'M WEARING AS AN ITCHY PIECE OF SHIT.

(CG): I WANT NOTHING MORE NOW BUT TO GO RELAX ALONE IN MY RECOUPERACOON, BUT CERTAIN FUCKASSES DRAGGED ME ALONG ON THEIR DIPWAD CON.

(TA): Oh, come on, KK. iit'2 not that bad. We're runniing a liittle late, but I promii2e we'll be there 2oon.

(CG): A BIG FAT PIECE OF HELP YOU ARE. I HAVE A PRETTY FUCKING GOOD IDEA THIS NIGHT IS GOING TO BE STRAIGHT UP BORING AND A WASTE OF MY TIME.

(TA): You're 2uch a 2poiil 2port, KK. We're amo2t there, anyway2. 5 miinute2 max.

Karkat slapped down the hood of his laptop, more than pissed. He had yet to hear anything of actual use from the multicolored idiot. Him and Gamzee passed the time playing stupid flash games on their computers, until there was a knock on the door. Gamzee still sat at his computer, a far-off look on his face.

"Fine- I guess I'll get it then." Karkat sighed.

When he did open the door, he was greeted by one of the strangest sights he'd seen in all his sweeps- which was quite surprising. At first, Karkat didn't recognize the 3 individuals in front of him.

Sollux walked in first, wearing much the same sort of outfit Karkat was in, only his hairstyle was different- a bit longer and more tousled, and instead of his usual multicolored shades he wore square-rimmed glasses. Instead of a tie like Karkat wore on his suit, there was a small ribbon across Sollux's chest tied in a little bow-like knot. His horns, however, were a little more impossible to hide than his own, so little triangles of yellow poked out of the top. A less than convincing Claude Faustus, until Karkat saw his accomplice.

After him walked Dave, who seemed to be paired with Sollux, and was wearing a purple 1900's style coat over a green vest with a white undershirt. Along with the torso ensemble was a huge black bow where a tie would normally be. He could see the top of the long black stockings, poking out of super-high brown boots with purple bows on them. The reason he could see so high was because of the ridiculously short shorts he was wearing, that looked more like black briefs than actual pants. He no longer wore his signature shades but instead had blue contacts. The most surprising part was that he actually looked really good in his Alois Trancy outfit.

"Nithe thuit, KK- oh, haha, I mean, thebathtian." Sollux smirked.

"Sup, nubby horns" Dave said ironically.

"Hey, Karkat!" John nearly skipped in, hugging the costumed troll while giving his signature goofy smile upon greeting. And this guy said he wasn't a homosexual? Karkat quickly pushed the hyper boy off him.

John stepped back reluctantly, but was immediately smiling again, this time with determination. "You're right- I have to stay in character, after all!"

John was wearing, of course, the main character's attire. Dark blue overcoat that didn't open up in the middle like Dave's did, but it did have a black bow, albeit a much smaller and less blatantly distinctive one. He too wore shorts, but these were blue and not nearly as short. He also had long stockings, but his shoes were tan and buckled, with only a little bit of a thick heel at the end. He wore a raven-colored wig that hid his normally wild hair, and instead of his glasses he wore contacts as well as an eye patch over his right eye. Adorned on the top of his head was a blue top hat, which had a blue and white striped ribbon wrapping around its base and hanging over the side.

He tried his best to look composed, and not to smile, but it was a battle that he was quickly losing with his sparky personality, utterly in contrast with the child earl's.

"Doethn't John look cute as thiel, KK? Thurprithingly it wath all hith idea. Jutht don't rape him while we're all thtanding here." Sollux smirked as he whispered into Karkat's ear, making the shorter troll's face glow a slight tinge of red.

"Sh-shut up, you're s-so fucking stupid."

Sollux just smirked again, knowing exactly what his friend was hiding. It was true, Karkat was slightly red for the guy, but all teens go through phases, right? He just hoped that this one would be short. He also hoped he didn't get any noticeable problems that would be blatantly obvious in the current polyester pants he was wearing.

Karkat had a feeling this wasn't the start to a good day.


	2. Karkat, yell at a vendor

**Dear Readers, kill me now. I swear if my updates were overdue library books, ****I would owe you all at least a million dollars. I still love you guys, I really don't mean to neglect you. For a reward for waiting so long, behold- a long chapter! You've earned this.**

The con was going on in a high school gym- John's high school, in fact. They walked into the gym and Karkat had the incredible urge to plug his eyes and close his eyes at the same time. Why did it have to be so damn LOUD in here? And more importantly, why did some people think they could fit into the costume they were wearing? John had told him about the fat guy who dresses up as Sailor Moon at every con, but never did he imagine the trickster extraordinaire would be actually telling the truth! He quickly averted his eyes at the unseemly sight.

"Okay, so how long do I have to stand this shit again, Egbert?"

John gave him a stern look. "Quit saying my name! I'm not Egbert today, and you're not Karkat. Call me Bocchan if you must."

"That's idiotic. Why do I have to call you a stupid name- what the hell is a bow-churn anyways?"

"It's Bocchan! It means master- I'm the earl, and you're my butler, so-"

"Master? Fat chance!" Karkat snapped. There was NO WAY he was calling Egbert his MASTER. Who the fuck did this guy think he was?

John looked pleadingly at the unwilling cosplayer. "Please, Kar? It's just for one day- it'll be fun, it's just pretend!"

Karkat scowled at the puppy dog eyes, blue as sapphires. He would stay strong, though- he would say no, he would-

"Please please pleeeeease?"

John had clasped his hands together and gotten on one knee in what could be interpreted as very misleading to passerby out of context. Out of the corner of his eye he saw two fangirls squealing, and instantly turned red. He decided, begrudgingly, to relent.

"Fine! But get up! You're drawing attention!" he hissed, to which John leapt up with a great big goofy smile on his face.

"Yay!" John said, skipping to catch up with the others, who were looking at a nearby shop selling assorted manga titles. _There is no way this guy could be straight_, Karkat thought, but joined them at the booth.

A William T. Spears Cosplayer was standing behind the booth- but he looked sort of familiar. Did anyone else notice this? He wore dark sunglasses that covered his eyes, much like Strider's. His wig was a bit disheveled, and you could see that the hair underneath was much longer than the wig. It was also a darkish-blue, and if it weren't all bunched up under the wig must have reached to the guy's shoulders.

As Karkat walked up, the man made to bow. "Greetings, Highbloo-" but at the last minute he stopped himself. "I mean, hello, sir. Would you be interested in buying any of our manga?"

"No, thanks." Karkat retorted, still staring at the cosplayer. "Do I know you?"

The cosplayer flinched. "N-no, why would you know me? I am just a vendor at an anime con dressed as an anime character…" he then began profusely sweating. So much so Karkat would have been unsurprised if there was a puddle on the floor. He didn't know anyone who could sweat that much- except…

"Equius? Seriously?"

The blueblood bowed his head, defeated. "Highblood, I hope you can forgive me for lying to you-" he then proceeded to get up from the chair and bow at Karkat's feet, creating yet another unnecessary akward moment. It was when he went in to kiss the short troll's left foot that he got a swift kick in the mouth.

"Stop it already! Don't you know how weird that is? And why would I even care if you sell manga at a stupid con? It's just manga-"

Karkat picked up one of the Japanese graphic novels to prove his point- but stopped abruptly when he looked at the cover. He dropped the book in disgust and backed away.

"The fuck, Equius? You're selling guy porn? What is WRONG with you? This is a public place, you know!"

Karkat hadn't realized he was yelling, until the rest of the group, currently browsing through more appropriate titles, turned at his voice, tuning in to the conversation.

Equius cringed and if it was possible looked even more pathetic. "I am sorry, highblood. I was not aware you were familiar with yaoi manga- I am profusely sorry, higblood, that my tastes disgust you."

Karkat went red, despite his attempts to hide his embarrassment. Why was he even embarrassed? Equius should know that you just don't sell porn at a public place! Looking behind him he saw Dave, stoic as ever, but still unable to hide the smirk that was slowly crossing his face. Sollux was holding his stomach with one hand, the other hand over his mouth, barely containing his laughter. John was still distracted, thankfully.

He clenched his fists and looked up at Equius, restraining himself from doing something stupid or spouting off into yelling nonsense. The idiot could do what he wanted- it wasn't his fault if he went to jail, after all. He turned away, cursing under his breath.

"Fucking idiots will always stay fucking idiots." He said, and walked back to the group. "Come on, Derp-churn, is there anywhere interesting in this shithole?"

John finally looked up from the books, and rolled his eyes, pretending to be annoyed. In reality he was used to these snide remarks, but- ooh, was that a…

"Hey, Kar- I mean, Sebastian! There's a cosplay contest! Let's go there!" The buck-toothed grin was back, and Karkat found himself pulled by the arm to the contest. Despite his cursing, he knew he really had no choice in the matter.


	3. Karkat, waste your money

**Aaaaaah yes, I know it's been too long. I don't deserve to have anyone still following me. I just hope that maybe, someday, we can all look back on my incompetence and laugh. I hope you can all forgive me for being such bad writer, uploader, etc. etc.**

**Actually, honestly, I don't feel all that guilty, but now that I've got more free time I am excited to get back to writing. So, expect more from me! (huh, maybe that should be my catchphrase... ^_^)  
><strong>

The sign in question led to a booth at the end of the gym, pointing with huge bold arrows to the theatre, where the band did regular concerts and the drama club played out their productions. Today, though, the stage served a different purpose.

Before they entered the theatre, the group was stopped by a table in front of the entrance, manned by a girl and a boy, of course adorned in their cosplay wear. They were dressed, plain and simple, as Lau and Ranmao. At least, Karkat THOUGHT it was a girl and a boy at first.

The Lau cosplayer talked first. "Welcome to the cosplaying competition. How may we be of your service?"

"We want to enter the contest!" John blurted, taking Karkat's hand in his and raising both above their heads. Karkat failed to hide his blush, and quickly removed his hand from the overenthusiastic boy's, glaring behind him when Sollux failed to hide his snicker.

"You are gladly received, for the conveniently subjacent value of ten dollars per entry." Said the Ranmao cosplayer. She was wearing a wig, and you could tell because of the barely noticeable lock of blonde hair poking out from underneath. There was something familiar about these two as well, but Karkat couldn't see as much as he wanted to in the semi-dark hallway.

Karkat turned to see John, frantically searching through the many pockets in his waistcoat. After a few minutes of frantically frisking himself, he looked up at Karkat, a crestfallen look on his face.

"I… I don't have enough… I guess I must have spent it all on manga already…" said John, a pout forming on his normally cheery face.

Good, Karkat thought. At least he would get to be spared from embarrassing himself further- on a stage, in front of dozens of others he could see, lined up to watch. Then again, the look on John's face made his heart throb- why did his heart have to be so fuckin' stupid?

"I'll pay, dammit." Karkat submitted, taking twenty bucks out of his back pocket, and presenting it to the two (girls?). Ranmao took the money into what looked like a rather confusing sylladex, which looked somewhat like… the branches of a tree…

"I know you." It wasn't a question this time. Karkat stared intently at the two, noting that the one girl was sitting in the other's lap. And despite the skin-colored facepaint the Lau cosplayer was wearing, Karkat guessed that there was the pale gray skin of a troll underneath…

"Kanaya? Is that you?! And you're with… oh my god, Rose? Wait- what the fuck? You just charged me twenty fucking dollars! I can't believe you-"

But he never got to finish his sentence, as John, happy as ever, pulled him into a great big hug. "Thanks for paying, Karkitty! Beep beep meow!" John grinned, showing his dopey big front teeth, looking like a complete derp. A completely ADORABLE derp. Taking Karkat's arm AGAIN, John started leading him into the theatre.

But not before Karkat's other hand flew up, giving the girls his signature middle finger. That made him feel just a little bit better.


End file.
